Words Beyond Words: The Art of Listening

Talking does not need any introduction, but it is still necessary to dissect what it means because it is the most frequent form of communication as well as the tool we use to understand ourselves and the world around us. Let’s start by defining it: “To talk is to speak in order to give information or express ideas or feelings; converse or communicate by spoken words” according to the definition of Oxford Languages. Aside from the times we are sleeping, almost all we do is talk. From the moment we are born, our parents eagerly wait for the moment we say our first words, and when we blurt out our first words the moment becomes fit for celebration. Our parents immediately rush and take out a device to record us and motivate us to say more, even if just meaningless words so that they can brag about us. From that point on, we are taught and then expected to keep talking at increasing frequencies until the day we die so that we can find our place within society. However, we do not usually think about talking; we just do so. This begets some problems. Just like how good needs bad for us to understand what good is, talking requires listening for it to make sense. Otherwise, we only validate the second part of the definition of Oxford Languages because ideas or feelings cannot be understood without some introspection, and since we do not stop talking, there will never be time for introspection, listening, and meaningful communication as an extension.

When we talk without stopping to listen on occasion, we only talk for the sake of talking. We do not care about the other or what they might say, we only care about ourselves and what we have to say; because we think we have to talk to forge a place in society. This is true in more ways than one. There is no other way to express ourselves to others by utilizing some form of talking. We cannot expect others to make sense of us if we constantly remain silent as if we are part of the furniture. Some might try at first, but even they will give up eventually when we keep blending into the background without talking. In addition, nobody will be looking to listen in the first place. They will be looking to talk because just like us they are thought to keep talking non-stop. Thus, according to the common understanding of society: If you do not intend to talk at all, there is no reason for your being present in the first place.

This is far removed from the truth. In a scenario where everyone is engaged in talking incessantly without taking a moment to listen, it creates an illusion of silence, as if no one is speaking at all. Essentially, it's like having multiple monologues happening simultaneously rather than a dialogue. Life needs balance in all its aspects, and the balance of talking is listening. There has to be someone listening when there is someone talking. Therefore, ideally, we should be taking turns in talking and listening. This does not need to be predetermined. Still, when we do not talk just for the sake of talking but for the sake of understanding the other as well as ourselves as an extension, we will know when to retreat into silence and allow the other to speak while we listen.

We might be worried at first because this contradicts our education. Our body will resist when we try to listen instead of talking. We will worry that others will mistake us for a simpleton who does not have any ideas of our own, but the reality will be that they will be the ignorant ones. They will be the ones talking constantly for the sake of talking whereas we will be the ones who try to balance talking and listening to facilitate a meaningful exchange of ideas. However, this is a tricky thing to balance, and we might easily fall into infinite silence if we cannot show or teach the value of listening to others. Since most of us are programmed to keep talking, others will overwhelm us when they see us silent. They will take our silence as their cue to talk, and they will not know that we are trying to understand the talker while waiting for our turn to talk after making sense of what the other is trying to tell us.

Let’s consider this within the context of the business world. The business world is a place where nobody listens to the other. There, each individual must dictate their own opinions because they are competitors of the same race, and when they fall silent, it means that they have lost and the other has won. Even when two people are defending the same idea or the course of action their business should take, they often fail to recognize the fact and keep arguing over who is right. Yet, they only need to stop and try to make sense of what the other is trying to tell because if and when they do, they will realize they are arguing over nothing since they are on the same side and that there does not necessarily be a competition, or in other words a zero-sum game. Unfortunately, nobody in the business world thinks they can allow themselves to stop and listen, and as a result, most of the individuals in the business world feel like they are never heard or understood by their peers, subordinates or superiors. And in such an environment where nobody even tries to understand the other, there will never be any common ground for people to meet. That is one of the many reasons why the modern work environment is mostly toxic as well as taxing to most.

Nobody shares the same existence because we simply do not perceive the world we see; we see the world we perceive. Our understanding of the world is not directly shaped by the world itself, but rather by our personal perceptions and interpretations of it. Therefore, we need to listen as much as we talk if we want to meet on a common ground with others to take our understanding of ourselves and the world around us towards higher plains. Unless we do, we will keep living the paradox of minimal or non-existent communication despite the high volume of talking happening all around us.